When I started posting and blogging about the Living and Active Challenge, it was meant to share a fun looking way to join exercise and scripture in to ones life. I didn't realize the conversations that would ensue after my sharing, and coming from different people than the ones I had in mind when posting on Facebook. It saddens my heart to hear of so much confusion and pain in my friends.
I won't mention names or places but there are many miles separating the ones who weigh the heaviest. These stories hit me the hardest because, I was once in each of their shoes.
I am going to share just one of the situations going on that is weighing heavily on my heat this morning. I have prayed upon this scenario for a couple months. I am hesitant to call it a problem, because God already knew it was going to happen and already has worked the problem out.
This past June a friend of mine sent me a text message needing to talk and I was available for her to call me at any time she needed me....we live in separate states...so going to her wasn't a possibility. She never called. I just prayed for her because I didn't need the details, God already knew what was going on. Her explanation was that she wouldn't be able to talk because all she can do is cry. I knew both of her kids were fine and healthy, so I only assumed it was her marriage. My hunch was correct; she finally made a public statement that they are divorcing. She has pulled away and I am only going to assume that she is focused on helping herself and her teenage children deal with this situation.
I have gone thru a divorce that I did not want. I tried to be what he wanted, which made us both more miserable. I lost who I was in trying to be what I thought he wanted me to be; in turn, made us both bad spouses. I have learned a lot from a dummy in those years...dummy being me.
The first thing I was doing wrong was, I was not a Christian....
I thought I was. I was a good person, I knew that Christ died on the cross for my sins, I new if I believed that I would go to heaven....I was just missing that part about repentance and acceptance.....I lived a life that was made up of what I thought was right.
The next thing I did wrong was not asking God into our marriage....
The list goes on.....I was looking for my happiness in my husband not in God. That was way too much to put on any one person. My happiness was dependent on only how he treated me that day...rejection soon became to ignite desperation. I acting out in emotional ways to get my husbands attention. To feel wanted, pretty and most of all loved was all I wanted from him.
I have my theories on why I never found happiness as a young bride and it stems back to my childhood, but that too is another story for another time. What I have learned is that only true happiness can be found in God. We are made in His likeness and he already Desires, Loves and Wants us. We are in His image, so we much try to learn to see our selves through Gods eyes. He made us in a way that we crave Him. Until we accept Him as our source of happiness, we may never know true joy. Our spouses can not provide us with what our souls desire, only God can handle that task. After learning that lesson, I almost feel guilty for what I put my ex-husband thru....almost.
I know all too well the heartbreak that comes with the break-up of a marriage with children. I have a son who lives with his father now. I joke about the situation by saying" I had him the good 12 years, now it's his dad's turn" to keep the emotions down. We have joint custody and I get to see him in the summers and when he is available on big holidays. I miss him everyday. A big part of me is missing. I feel for my friend, when the visitations start and realization sets in that there is a rupture in the family she once knew. Holidays are never the same joyous occasion,: I am not saying there can't be a new normal or new happiness, just not the same as before the separation.
As I pray for my friend, I pray for her to come to know the Lord as her savior as well as her healer. I pray for her children as they struggle thru this and that they, too, may come to know and accept Jesus. As they develop a new "normal", I pray that Jesus is the biggest part of it, not just a mere knowledge that He exists. I know that God can restore and strengthen what we see as "unfixable", I pray for His will be done. Not in just this family but all marriages. We all are going to face bumps in the road and need to already be relying on God before we even have a hint that troubles are coming.
This past June a friend of mine sent me a text message needing to talk and I was available for her to call me at any time she needed me....we live in separate states...so going to her wasn't a possibility. She never called. I just prayed for her because I didn't need the details, God already knew what was going on. Her explanation was that she wouldn't be able to talk because all she can do is cry. I knew both of her kids were fine and healthy, so I only assumed it was her marriage. My hunch was correct; she finally made a public statement that they are divorcing. She has pulled away and I am only going to assume that she is focused on helping herself and her teenage children deal with this situation.
I have gone thru a divorce that I did not want. I tried to be what he wanted, which made us both more miserable. I lost who I was in trying to be what I thought he wanted me to be; in turn, made us both bad spouses. I have learned a lot from a dummy in those years...dummy being me.
The first thing I was doing wrong was, I was not a Christian....
I thought I was. I was a good person, I knew that Christ died on the cross for my sins, I new if I believed that I would go to heaven....I was just missing that part about repentance and acceptance.....I lived a life that was made up of what I thought was right.
The next thing I did wrong was not asking God into our marriage....
The list goes on.....I was looking for my happiness in my husband not in God. That was way too much to put on any one person. My happiness was dependent on only how he treated me that day...rejection soon became to ignite desperation. I acting out in emotional ways to get my husbands attention. To feel wanted, pretty and most of all loved was all I wanted from him.
I have my theories on why I never found happiness as a young bride and it stems back to my childhood, but that too is another story for another time. What I have learned is that only true happiness can be found in God. We are made in His likeness and he already Desires, Loves and Wants us. We are in His image, so we much try to learn to see our selves through Gods eyes. He made us in a way that we crave Him. Until we accept Him as our source of happiness, we may never know true joy. Our spouses can not provide us with what our souls desire, only God can handle that task. After learning that lesson, I almost feel guilty for what I put my ex-husband thru....almost.
I know all too well the heartbreak that comes with the break-up of a marriage with children. I have a son who lives with his father now. I joke about the situation by saying" I had him the good 12 years, now it's his dad's turn" to keep the emotions down. We have joint custody and I get to see him in the summers and when he is available on big holidays. I miss him everyday. A big part of me is missing. I feel for my friend, when the visitations start and realization sets in that there is a rupture in the family she once knew. Holidays are never the same joyous occasion,: I am not saying there can't be a new normal or new happiness, just not the same as before the separation.
As I pray for my friend, I pray for her to come to know the Lord as her savior as well as her healer. I pray for her children as they struggle thru this and that they, too, may come to know and accept Jesus. As they develop a new "normal", I pray that Jesus is the biggest part of it, not just a mere knowledge that He exists. I know that God can restore and strengthen what we see as "unfixable", I pray for His will be done. Not in just this family but all marriages. We all are going to face bumps in the road and need to already be relying on God before we even have a hint that troubles are coming.
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