Heartache for a friend

   When I started posting and blogging about the Living and Active Challenge, it was meant to share a fun looking way to join  exercise and scripture in to ones life.  I didn't realize the conversations that would ensue after my sharing, and coming from different people than the ones I had in mind when posting on Facebook.  It saddens my heart to hear of so much confusion and pain in my friends.  

  I won't mention names or places but there are many miles separating the ones who weigh the heaviest.  These stories hit me the hardest because, I was once in each of their shoes. 

    I am going to share just one of the situations going on that is weighing heavily on my heat this morning. I have prayed upon this scenario  for a couple months.  I am hesitant to call it a problem, because God already knew it was going to happen and already has worked the problem out.

 This past June a friend of mine sent me a text message needing to talk and I was available for her to call me at any time she needed me....we live in separate states...so going to her wasn't a possibility.  She never called.  I just prayed for her because I didn't need the details, God already knew what was going on.   Her explanation was that she wouldn't be able to talk because all she can do is cry.  I knew both of her kids were fine and healthy, so I only assumed it was her marriage. My hunch was correct; she finally made a public statement that they are divorcing.  She has pulled away and I am only going to assume that she is focused on helping herself and her teenage children deal with this situation. 

 I have gone thru a divorce that I did not want.  I tried to be what he wanted, which made us both more miserable. I lost who I was in trying to be what I thought he wanted me to be; in turn, made us both bad spouses.  I have learned a lot from a dummy in those years...dummy being me.

  The first thing I was doing wrong was, I was not a Christian....
  I thought I was.  I was a good person, I knew that Christ died on the cross for my sins, I new if I believed that I would go to heaven....I was  just missing that part about repentance and acceptance.....I lived a life that was made up of what I thought was right.

 The next thing I did wrong was not asking God into our marriage....

  The list goes on.....I was looking for my happiness in my husband not in God.  That was way too much to put on any one person.  My happiness was dependent on only how he treated me that day...rejection soon became to ignite  desperation.  I acting out in emotional ways to get my husbands attention.  To feel wanted, pretty and most of all loved was all I wanted from him.

 I have my theories on why I never found happiness as a young bride and it stems back to my childhood, but that too is another story for another time.  What I have learned is that only true happiness can be found in God.  We are made in His likeness and he already Desires, Loves and Wants us.  We are in His image, so we much try to learn to see our selves through Gods eyes.   He made us in a way that we crave Him.  Until we accept Him as our source of happiness, we may never know true joy.   Our spouses can not provide us with what our souls desire, only God can handle that task.  After learning that lesson, I almost feel guilty for what I put my ex-husband thru....almost.

 I know all too well the heartbreak that comes with the break-up of a marriage with children.   I have a son who lives with his father now.   I joke about the situation by saying" I had him the good 12 years, now it's his dad's turn" to keep the emotions down.  We have joint custody and I get to see him in the summers and when he is available on big holidays.  I miss him everyday.  A big  part of me is missing.   I feel for my friend, when the visitations start and realization sets in that there is a rupture in the family she once knew.  Holidays are never the same joyous occasion,: I am not saying there can't be a new normal or new happiness, just not the same as before the separation.

 As I pray for my friend, I pray for her to come to know the Lord as her savior as well as her healer.  I pray for her children as they struggle thru this and that they, too, may come to know and accept Jesus.  As they develop a new "normal", I pray that Jesus is the biggest part of it, not just a mere knowledge that He exists.  I know that God can restore and  strengthen what we see as "unfixable", I pray for His will be done.  Not in just this family but all marriages.  We all are going to face bumps in the road and need to already be relying on God before we even have a hint that troubles are coming.   

Update for week 2 of the 5 week Challenge

Ending is not Such Sweet Sorrow

 This has been one crazy week.  I still have the desire to exercise, as I did the first week, but life keeps interrupting me.  I still can not make myself a priority in my schedule.   

 With that confession out there.....I was able to get 4 days with 25 minutes of exercising in, but I wouldn't call it quality or quantity. My warm ups were what I call "power cleaning", where I rapid clean house as fast as I can running from on end of the house to the other. (try to picture contestants on a game show trying to win prizes) My resistance training was what ever I could figure out to do at my desk with my hand weights and resistance bands, and a couple times I actually got on the elliptical while helping my daughter study for her spelling, reading and science test. Most of my cool downs and stretching took place in the shower as I was getting ready for church, or after school meetings and baton lessons.  

 The scripture came easy again for me. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of it's own.  Matthew 6:34.  And it was so appropriate for my week.  Next week doesn't look much better.  I have got to make an appointment with the Veterans Administration to get my disability payments straightened out, and call the state tax department to straighten out a clerical error of theirs, since I can't get them on the phone; and fit in 40 plus hours off work  But Friday is the bright spot as my sister-in-law and niece come to visit.  My daughter gets to do the pregame show with the band, so I must stay diligent in the task at hand.....with all this going on...The Word of God has been a marvelous comfort to me, and the exercise would be a great stress release for me, if these distractions wouldn't consume most of my sparse spare time.

 I am so relieved that my faith is in God, and this problem was already worked out.  I am just prone to drop the ball on my end with so much on my plate and taking care of myself is always the first to go.

  For the exercises I have done this week is a chair version of the J.LO until it hurts.....I honestly didn't pay attention to the sets or reps for the 2 days I did them.  I also worked my triceps as I am trying to get rid of my wings on the underside of my arms. ( about 25 sets of 15 in 3 days), while watching a little tv as I was falling asleep, I was doing leg lifts and extensions with the resistance bands for the last and ensuring 15 minutes...to make sure I got 25 minutes in for the 4 days.   I am praying that my work schedule slows down and I don't have to do more than 40 hours next week.   But, the Lord does know best, and I have given Him my burden.  I can not carry this alone.

  I am so glad the chaos of this week is over and most tasks were completed.   

 Thank you Lord in the safety of this week.  With my distractions and over-whelming schedule, you kept me close to You.   I was able to still be a witness for You in following thru with a commitment I made and ones others made for me. I praise You in showing me mercy this week.  I ask that You show me  the same Mercy next week and I try to fit in even more.  In Jesus' name, I love you.

Day 3 Week 2 of the Challenge

 Day 3 of Week 2 of the Challenge

  Wow, this week is proving to be harder to fit it all in.   I am struggling to find even 25 minutes to exercise.  I am having to really put the effort in the time management and  shockingly not the attitude.   I am going to push thru and get it done.  

   I am really liking the exercises that I am finding on line.  The variety is the key to keeping my attention.   I am so grateful  to Clare at Peak313.com for having a passion for exercising the body's needs along with spiritual needs and the desire to share with strangers.  Her posted videos have been a strong encouragement to me. (Did I mention that these are free!!) There are a few that I am not in good enough physical  strength to do, but gives me something to look forward to doing down the road, and another way  gauge my progress other that a scale.  

 I know I reference this website almost every time I blog, but it has impacted me that much.  I want to share with anyone who may read my posts.   It has been a blessing to me and inevitably it will be to my family also, as I get healthier and more active.   

 In 2 weeks, I am going to Virgina to watch my son play high school football for the first time.  This is his first year of getting to play.  I am so excited.  I last saw him in July and was 20 some pounds heavier.  I have set a goal for me to be down as much as I can for this next visit.   I started the weight loss program at MRC (Metabolic Research Center) right after the last visit.  He has also been an encourager, with asking me for updates after the check in appointment...surprising me, from my 17 year old son.   I know he is excited to see a smaller me.  This is part of my motivation to do well on this exercise challenge.  Short term goals seem to really motivate me more and give me a huge burst of energy to do even better.    so....hopefully I will have the confidence to post pictures from then and of this next visit to show the difference in me appearance.

  I have just enough time to fit my exercising in, go weigh in, and make it to church tonight.   

 I guess the point in this blog is....don't let "things" get in the way of your goal...and remember when you get pushed back a step or two..make sure you make the extra effort to take that next step forward. Don't let your self get stuck in life's muck... KEEP MOVING!!

   25 minutes on the elliptical 5 minutes jump rope....stretched it out in the shower...multitasking at work here

Week 2 of the Living and Active Challenge

 Week 2 of the Living and Active Challenge

 This is going to be a crazy few weeks with lots of activities planned.  But, to hold to my commitment, this is going to be a short update....I am in between assignments of hospitals that I am covering both today...

  I have hit a plateau in my weight loss and have been frustrated.  I have set a goal for 3 weeks from now and am not  seeing it happening, even with the extra effort I have been putting in.  This week's verse is a good one for me to focus on..." Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself . Each day has enough trouble of it's own"Matthew 3:64.   I am more worried about meeting my goal in 3 weeks than I am staying focused on today's goal.  

  I have verbally told myself,over and over, that " You  have given this to God and don't you dare try to pick it back up!  Trust in your Creator to fix what you have messed up"   Today on Facebook, I came across this verse  " Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain" Psalm 12.    I am not a Bible expert, but I feel like God was speaking directly to me.   I have asked God to rebuild His temple in me; because my efforts have failed miserably.   I have paced my house in prayer, and reminding my self that this was a  part of  the challenge that I am not going to fail.  I am going to completely trust in God and thank Him instead of worrying about what the scale says, or how swollen my water retaining fingers feel.

  Shortly after I made the statement out loud, I went and got on the scale.  "Praise God!"  I was yelling....the weight gain was going down and my body fat was even 2% lower.  My body was starting to go thru a flush (release of water retention).   It wasn't so much the poundage reduction as it was the fat percentage reduction that almost brought me to tears.  God heard my cries and showed mercy on me.  

  Now, I feel like exercising again, my spirit feels lighter....no pun intended...but I was letting worry get to me and keeping me from honoring my God with what he was trying to do in me.  Now, if I can just remember this lesson and feeling the next time I face a similar challenge

  Dear Father, Please forgive me in the doubt and worry of what you were doing in me.  Thank you for your unending mercies.  May my lack of faith be used to help someone else see how AWESOME you are in all Your ways.  In Jesus' name , Amen.


** I have an official weigh in tomorrow before church....hope to report back with some good news!

 Peak 313 Fitness Challenge Update

  This has a been a week that I can only explain as God inspired.   I started the fitness challenge where I like to say " where the physical meets the spiritual."  I have confessed before, that I don't like to exercise and I have be negligent on scripture memorization.  I could generalize what the chapter was saying, give you an estimate about where it was found and maybe who wrote the book.  

 Sunday, we printed out our weekly goal...by Monday evening I had my verse down somewhat...still exchanging a few of the verb, but same meaning :   Ecclesiastes 4:12 " Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken".  Tuesday I was reciting it pretty accurately all day, even when quizzed impromptu by my daughter.  Wednesday, I was sharing it with anyone who would listen.  By Thursday, I was catching myself reciting it thru the hard spots in my exercising..  without meaning too.

 I also got to share this verse with a friend who is going thru a very hard time right now....we are in this together just like our verse says....interwoven with our Heavenly Father, we will together get through the hard stuff.  It seemed that I got to share that will a few people now that I reflect....but that is for another post ( that will be coming).   

 The exercise portion, well lets just say....I LOVED IT!  I even did a 5th day.... in my heart I was doing it for God....in my flesh, it was because I wasn't supposed to go 3 days without exercising and I just planned poorly.  I had gotten on to the Peak313.com  website and was doing the suggested exercises and also found some more that was just fun to do....so...is it really exercise if it is fun?  I will ponder that after the challenge.  My 10 year old daughter even joined along.   We did our 25 minutes, but then the craziest thing happened....We did more exercising!!  No kidding...we did.  We had so much fun with Clare's videos and tried most of them, the next night we did our favorites.  We even got out the Wii and did the fitness games.  Crazy! I know!  for people that don't like to exercise.

 That is what I mean about God inspired.  I have asked Him to help rebuild His temple in me...the way He planned it.   I still am having to show some faith in Him, because as I have been losing weight up until this point....I have hit a plateau in the dropping  of weight this week.  The counselor at the weight loss clinic said it may be due to the exercising and extra water going to the torn fibers from the workout....which would explain why I am so thirsty this week....so increase more water to try to flush out the excess retention of water.  My faith is in You Lord....I will stick to the advise of those you put in my path and achieve Your will.  I haven't  gained much weight, just not shedding any right now, and my diet hasn't changed...still on the program.  I know that there will be a wonderful reward for the following thru of this challenge and sticking to the diet plan.  It will be for His Glory, for I can do nothing on my own like this...for I would choose not to.

 I honestly feel better, physically, spiritually, and surprising even mentally.  I am so looking forward to the next week., just to do it again.  There will be more of a time availability challenged this next week...but God will prevail, and give me the time to honor Him.  I will keep my focus on the goal...rebuilding the temple to honor my Father, keep another verse in my heart, and help my daughter develop a better spiritual and physical fitness with me.

  Dear Father, Thank you for this day! Thank you for this week!  Thank you for allowing me to have the struggles in life that I have had, so that I may use them to Glorify You.  I thank You for using me to help explain the gospel  this week.  I give you all the Glory and Honor Lord that I can, though it will never be enough to fully give You what you deserve.   Thank you Father,  In Jesus Name I am Yours

 Living and Active: Day 2 of challenge 

  I have to admit, I found myself  looking forward to exercising again today.  This, my friends, can only be an act of the one true God.   I don't like to exercise, but here I am wanting to do it.  He has done in a work in me by changing my attitude in doing something I normally would find any excuse to get out of.

  I will make this entry a short and sweet one due to, I still have to make my family their dinner and my separate meal.  They are having hamburgers tonight, while I am having grilled chicken and broccoli.

 My workout was 30 minutes on my elliptical, 50 sit ups,  and a beginning of a rotational arm work out .  I haven't worked my arms in many years...that is why it was a beginning.  I also found ways to fit some arm workouts in my day with my resistance bands at my desk.

 I have to confess, I feel better even after just one day of exercising and starting my day off with scripture.  I even got a chuckle out of my daughter today when I was quizzing her about her homework.  Morgan asked me to recite my Bible verse.  I was able to give it to her.

  Tomorrow, I go weigh in at MRC for my 1 of my 2 weekly checks.  They won't believe me when I tell them the amount of time I have exercised this week.

 I am so grateful to God for sending me to the Peak313.com site...ps I found her on Pintrest~ and for Clare, for initiating this challenge.  In less than a week, my heart has changed, as will my life from this point on.  I have found that exercise can be fun, if I break out of the box.  I don't have to join a gym, I can use the comfort of my own house and learn new moves thru my new personal trainer at Peak 313.  Most of her exercises seem to be found on U Tube.

  Dear Father, thank you for this day and the hidden blessings you had scattered through out my day.   I just had to look for them; so thru obedience and some just by opening my eyes.  I don't have the words to tell you of the gratitude I have for the change in my attitude, but You already know my heart.  Thank you Lord for your Grace and unconditional Love that you show us daily.

 Oh and by the way...yes I was sore this morning, and even more sore post workout....but it is so worth it!!

 Day 1 of Week 1

 Today is the first day of the Living and Active Challenge where Scripture meets exercise~  This morning I started with the scripture portion with Ecclesiastes 4:12. Other than changing a few words this morning, I got it down by lunch time. ( but will I remember it correctly after some sleep)   I remember that the verse is about 3 cords strands are not quickly broken to help me remember the Bible reference ( 3 x 4 = 12).  

 I did complete the 25 minutes of required exercise, but I did things I wouldn't normal do, and I enjoyed it.  Morgan and I used our new resistance bands  and did the J.LO..an exercise where we tie our feet with the bands and march, step it out, step it back and feel the burn.  We also did 3 sets of the cardio blast which works legs and abs...we had a lot of fun with that one and some more burning.  And sticking to the recommended work out, we completed those as well.  We are going to have to find a mat to do most of those, it hurt our back to lay on the floor...and we don't have carpet.  The Bent leg crunch, I cheated and did that on my ab lounger for the comfort....also, I am going to go have to start the air compressor to put a little more air in my ball before tomorrow....

 I think now I am going to go glide for a few on me elliptical to work some of the soreness out.  You can find these exercises at Peak313.com under the exercise tab.  

 As for the diet, I am having the usual for dinner, a egg, 40 cal slice of toast, and 2 oz. of cheese.  Tomorrow  it will be grilled chicken and broccoli.  I am staying true to the MRC diet that is working for me. 

  Lord, Thank you for the opportunity for a do over.  Thank you for the distraction from work so that I didn't have an excuse, if I had wanted to try.  I ask that you stay on top of me, and not give me rest until I fulfill my part in this reconstruction of Your temple.  Thank you for the opportunity to participate in something that is so much fun (at this point) and the opportunity to Glorify You to others. May I continue to be used to plant Your seed and the Holy Spirit make those seeds blossom.   In Jesus name. Amen

  

  I think some of these exercises I will be able to do while sitting at my desk working....hmmmm something to look in to tomorrow.  

  and just threw in another 45 minutes just because it felt good and was fun..time for shower and bed now....

Living and Active

 So, tomorrow is Monday and I am looking forward to it!  That is right, I am looking forward to a Monday.  I have signed up to participate in a 5 week challenge to exercise for 4 days along with learn a new Bible verse every week; and both of these I find very difficult to do.   The great thing about this, is I can do it right from my home, on my time and my choice of exercises....as long as I do it for 25 minutes. The challenger, Mrs. Clare, will even be posting some routines for the participants to do.

   The verse that has been selected for us this week is: Ecclesiastes 4:12.  "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." I am very excited that I found this at this time in my life.  I love what Mrs. Clare says about why she selected this verse  (paraphrased)   That we are stronger with 3 interwoven, and as God as the first strand, we can do this.  Find you someone to keep you motivated in this challenge along with God and you will make your goal.

 Though I still don't like to exercise, I am going to use this as the Lord showing His mercy and helping work in my life changes.  He has never left me and was already at work in helping achieve the goals I have set toward the new me before I was ready to do anything about it.    As you can see on my previous post, I have been putting off taking care of myself for a long time.  I finally have the right motivation and tools to do what needs to be done.  

 Here is the link to the challenge: http://peak313.com
  Also you can follow on Facebook and Twitter at  Peak313,  post to Twitter #Livingandactive


So, here is what I have done to prepare for the challenge:

•  Predetermined  a set time to exercise and told my family this is a "DO NOT DISTURB" time frame
• I will select a verse Sunday night to know what I will focus on as soon as I wake up on Monday
• Making flash cards to put my verse all around my house and will add to the reminder posts every week
• I am already on a weight loss program and it is working, just needed to add the exercise portion, will continue to follow it just as I have....
• I have purchased suggested exercise tools ( resistance bands, new jump rope, etc) to have whatever I may need to complete this challenge
• Recruited my 10 year old to be my accountability pardner ( she loves to tell on me when I do good or bad and plants a seed in her for a better lifestyle)
•   I have shared my plans with as many friends as possible so that I may be more motivated to show result

So, with those preparations already in place, it is time for me to get a good nights sleep so that I may give it my full effort tomorrow.

 My short term goal is to lose 15 pounds in the next 5 weeks.  If God blesses me with more weight loss than that, you will defiantly be reading His Praises from me!   So, I guess I will also be reporting my weight loss along with my weekly workouts....



  The following is an extra verse I am going to keep as a motivator in my challenge.  It was the basis of the beginning of the challenge

 “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart"
 Hebrews 4:12


ps....Morgan and I have already took a sneak peek at tomorrows exercises...."Challenge" is an understatement, but we are going to get many laughs together....by week 5, we will be ready for week 6.

  So, it has been over a year since I have been on this blog, and God has been busy with me!    I believe He is actively reconstructing me, repairing the damage that sin has brought on physically, financially, and spiritually.

  So, it all started when my pay was reduced by 40 % and continues to decline.  I am a contract coder and I usually get paid per chart.  I made most of my money doing ER charts ( they are easy and I am a fast reader and can type fast).  When the contract expired the hospital didn't need us any more due to restructuring how they were using their own resources.  So, I was re-assigned to other hospitals doing harder charts...which means: they take longer to code,much more reading and less productivity.   Now I have been assigned some work that I am paid hourly....further reduction in pay.

 The next hit was the cost of fuel, cattle, hay and feed...No one gets rich by farming, that is an understatement if I ever heard one.   My paychecks could usually supplement the higher costs, but, not anymore.

 What I am learning from this is a wonderful lesson from our Father...I was prideful on MY paycheck and we were depending more on it ( money) than we were in the Lord to be our provider.   God did continue to provide for us, even in our grumbling and worry; His mercy was renewed to us while we are so undeserving.

 My old flesh self kicked in, where I was trying to work more hours and make as much as possible.  I never once, totally gave it to God.   I continued to skip meals, fill up on Coke for caffeine and totally finished off trashing my metabolism.  I heard of a quick weight loss plan advertised on the radio and of course I can do this for the 30 days before my vacation.....
     I gain 30 pounds on this quick fix!

 While on vacation, I got to relax and focus on my kids and God....I got to see how I was stressing over financial issues and was neglecting the loves in my life.

  I really missed the closeness I had with my Father and I wanted it back!  I realized that I had not taken a look in the mirror at myself in such a long time, the weight gain was shocking.   I knew I had gain crazy weight, but didn't see it, because I only saw from my chest up.  I was mortified that I had let myself go so horribly and was so focused on making enough money to cover the bills.  It was also time to take a long spiritual look too!

  I am rebuilding my relationship with God, I put Him on the back burner while I was taking care of  "life"  He is now first and foremost in my life.     So, while I am getting back on track....our Gracious Creator is reconstructing me!

  I have joined Metabolic Research Center and actively losing weight.  In 7 weeks I have lost 18.5 pounds and total  21 1/4 inches.  I will not take any credit, for it is God who is doing this thru me.  He has taken the cravings for sugar and caffeine  (almost) completely away, and allowing my body to respond to the new eating lifestyle. I have learned about emotional eating and what to look for.  I find my comfort in prayer not Reese Peanut butter cups.  I finally eat 3 meals a day and take my vitamins.  Now to conquer the exercising on a more consistent basis and learn to find joy in it.   But....I will do it for the Glory of our Father and give thanks for a new building permit!

  My husband and I have taken our eyes off the checkbook balance and now direct them to the One who is the true provider and together we strive to be better stewards of what he allows up to use.  

  Thank you Lord, for never leaving me as I was slowly fading away...and thank You for reminding me how much I love having a relationship with you.

  Stay tune for further updates on this new re-construction project  ~~



 

  

 So....this is a before picture of the pre re-construction...stay tune for updates.